Big fat liar? Obviously, that's me.

You know that feeling you get
right down in the pit of your gut?
The one that makes you feeling like
puking,
crying,
and screaming
all at the same time?
The same one that makes me wonder
'What exactly is God trying to do?
Because life surely isn't worth this.'

And you wonder why?
I sure don't.

you

I don't like pain.
I don't like crying.
I don't like being called a liar.
I don't like people cursing at me.
I don't like that look people give me.
I don't like being yelled at.
I don't like getting blamed.

And I certainly
don't
like
you

Booo.

I always get the feeling of being inadequate.
Because apparently my cruddy poetry is cheating.
And even when I cheat, it still doesn't turn out right.
And the only decent melody I can make
is one with words from some other song.

So tell me
how is it
that your mind works?
Because I like it.

Obsessed with death much?

I've been wondering lately
'what happens after you die?'
Not so much about what happens in the afterlife,
but what happens with the memory of a person after everyone they once knew dies.
Does your soul just slowly wither away like your body once did?
I mean, maybe no one currently knows, but there could've once been a Luba Mikpoli living in this world, but no one would know, because no one remembers him.
He could very well just be a figment of my imagination, but I do know for sure
that I don't wanna be like Mr.Mikopoli.
I want my soul to forever be a part of this world.

Sorry girl..

I think people always take for granted what they have,
until they realize how lucky they are.
I'm not saying you always have to lose it;
going along with the all popular
'You don't know what you got til it's gone.'
But more a comparison in the mind,
or even with real, legit, experience.
So yeah, maybe you were right,
maybe I am just a big brat
who doesn't realize anything good
and always wants something more
and takes everything for granted.

Or maybe
you were just a pessimistic shitbag
who settled for less
than they deserved.

Chicken shit.

I'm not too sure when
or how
I'll die
I just know
it can't happen
yet
because I haven't
gotten to
fully
experience
you

I'm not too sure

If I were to fall
would you come along?
Because without you
I don't know right from wrong.
I need you like I need
the air that I breathe.
In and out
with a heavy heave.
And sometimes I wonder
if I'm really thinking this through
Are you right for me
and am I right for you?
So as each day passes
I pull down the masses
And my hope for you
dies away.

Bum much?

I think in life you always look forward to days like today
until they actually happen
and you then just wish
they didn't exist.
The kind of days where you're just too lazy to do a single thing
and everything just seems
like it's too much
work.
It's almost like you can't even sleep
without becoming tired
of sleeping.
And you feel almost as if
you could die at that very instant
and the world wouldn't be interuppted at all
and maybe you'd finally have some
peace.

Dang.

I'm envious of everyone
for one stupid reason
or another.

I don't think God will accept me in Heaven.

Grand Slamma!

I remember when I was little, just starting to play softball, and my goal in life was to hit the ball undeniably hard and far. So far that I could just run around the bases and never stop until there weren't any bases for me to run to, and I could smile and just feel good.
But now, as I play more, I realize that I was a silly child. Because I would get up to bat to hit that ball, and each time I would try to generate more power than I had within me. And I would always have to catch myself from spinning and falling on the ground, which happened on one ocassion that I can remember.

Silly, silly Cece.

Band-aid?

I was always told when I was younger
that if I got a cut or anything
the best way for it to go away and heal best
was to rinse it out, clean it, bandage it, and leave it alone
and soon enough
I would be good as new.

But you can do that with people too
can't you?
You can cleanse your body of them
to get rid of anything about them
to help you better heal.
And then one day..
you won't need healing
because you'll be as good as new
with barely even a scar
to tell the tale.

Maybe.. maybe I'm 2.

I was told today that everything
excites me.
And I suppose it's true.
I suppose you could say
that today
I was just excited about everything.
Because I got injured like a real professional
and I ate a delicious burrito
and I had a pudding cup
and there's a game tonight
and I was just so excited
to walk around the track
and count how many steps I had
simply so I could say
'HA! I beat you!'

It seems as though
my personality gets more and more
childlike
with each day
that I'm alive.

Hi Emily

What's the point in a friendship
if you never see the person
or anything of that nature?
If you're going to consider someone a friend
how can they truly be a friend
if you don't take the time to talk to them
get to know them
and begin to care about them?

In my eyes..
without that
you don't have a friendship at all.

SURPRISE!

Please don't flip out
Please don't shoot me
Please don't walk away
Please don't cry

Please don't think any less of me
Please don't put this on my shoulders
Please don't hate me forever
Please don't leave me in pieces

I know you don't like surprises
but I love you too much
to have let this just
pass by.

Team vs Parents

The best of times are the ones where
you feel carefree
and you're surrounded by a support system
and you're aware that you can't do wrong
because here, there's no such thing
as a wrong act.
Here,
everything is accepted,
and not only accepted
but loved.

Bumblebee

Days like this are the best.
The kind where you're incredibly busy
and even though no one would ask,
you would be forced to say
'No, I can't hang out'
because they can't fit in your schedule.
Which makes you feel undeniably important.

Don't just die

So there's a guy in a room
and he's not really sure what he's doing there.
But the walls are black
and so is the floor
and he's feeling really lost.
He's never seen this place before
he's all alone
and there isn't a single thing in that room.
As time passes by
he's getting more fearful of what's going on
and he starts hypervenalate
and breathing gets more difficult
and he's going in and out of conciousness.
And just as he's thinking this is it,
that he hasn't got much time left to live..
he gropes the wall
and feels a piece of brass sticking from the wall.
Desperately, he fumbles with the mysterious object
as a door opens.. and he finds that he hours
of rentless fear
were meaningless.

And I'm starting to think...
maybe all solutions are as easily found
as this.

Bipolar much?

Sometimes, I feel like a giant buttmunch
because I think that I've just made someone.. sad?
or angry?
or just plain old hurt.

And then I think
that if they truly wanted things to be better
they'd get over trying to be macho
and just be themself.

But then I figure.
that I have no effect on them anyway
so it can't be because of me.

.....right?

Chinese guy?

You are amazing
for delivering my lo mein
in such a speedy manner.

Hey you, on 2, wiggle wiggle wiggle.

Everyone likes the feeling of being wanted
or better yet, needed.

And to have someone tell you that you made their day?
Well.. I believe that's pretty likable.

To and Fro

It's funny how you can have two completely opposing feels at the same time..

On one side,
I wish that I could rewind time
that I could re-do some things
or not have wasted my time on some people
or had been smart enough not to do some stupid things.

But at the same time,
I wish I could fast-forward my life
to a point where I could make my own decisions
and I would decide yes or no
and, initially, would become my own boss.