All goes well
when my head is in charge.
But when my heart takes over
I cannot be held responsible
for the actions I'm willing to take.

Alone in my room

Sometimes, when I know no one's around and I can feel my pants slipping down, revealing a less than desired body part in the back,
I just let it stay as is. After all, I don't get the opportunity often.

Bret

I wish I could tell you all the things that swim in my mind when I think of you.
I would tell you how much I hate you because what you did was wrong, and you knew it was, but you did it anyway. The way things changed so drastically between us should've been my first hint that things were going to end poorly, but I cast it aside. I had done nothing wrong. I didn't text you all day long, didn't pester to see you all the time, didn't think twice when you wouldn't kiss me when I left in the morning, and never questioned why you blew off our plans more than once. My heart broke every time you made me feel like I was less than worthy of being with you. And it still does.
I would tell you how unfair to me you were. I still can't believe you let me sit there waiting for a response from you. I waited 4 days and it all went unanswered: the texts, the calls. For all I had known you died that weekend, and in my eyes you did. You became dead to me. And the fact that you have the nerve to speak to me a month after the ordeal with an apology explaining that I'm 'a beautiful person' and you're 'sorry [you] weren't ready for us.' I don't need an apology, what I needed was an explanation a month ago, not now.
I would tell you that I think about you more often than I should. Because you cross my mind more than once a day, usually with me wondering what you're doing or how you are or where we would be at if we were still together. It's impossible for me to shake what it was like when it first began because it was exactly what I had imagined it to be. And more. Your friends accepted me instantly and we walked around the course with your dog like we were our own little family and it all fit seemingly perfect together.
And I would tell you that if I was given the chance to make you pay for all that you did to me, I wouldn't. I'm not capable of being spiteful, or vengeful, or holding a grudge. I instead choose to hold my head high and stay strong because I'm too good for that. Just like I'm too good for you.

Hitch

I have a very simple face. I don't posses any features that are dominant  to make a person say, "Oh yeah, the girl with the light eyes against her tan skin" or "the girl with the dramatic eyebrows." I am simply the girl with the dark, almond eyes and normal eyebrows.
There is nothing about my body figure to be said that will make me stand out from any other girl. I don't have big boobs or strong arms. Maybe a backside that sticks out more than most, but not in a ridiculous fashion. For I am as normally shaped as they come.
I accept the fact that I am a simple girl at first glance. I lack features that would cause someone to distinctly remember me based on a sole feature in my face or the way I am shaped. But with that being said, I don't think it takes away from the beauty that I have. Because I would much rather be a girl with many little features that all work well together, than the girl who has gorgeous eyes to distract away from the rest of her.

'You'll be more than invited to the wedding Cheech.'

People always said, "In college you meet your true friends, your lifelong friends." And of course, I didn't believe it. I always thought, "Well I've got some awesome friends now, right here. How in the world would these not be my lifelong friends?" But I see it now.
Going to college consumes so much time, and the time you aren't spending going to class or studying, you don't instantly think of staying in contact with your old friends. You go out into the college and meet people there. Because in college you have thousands of people to choose from to ensure they're really your friend, instead of the few hundred that you had picked from in high school.
So while I'm definitely not saying that in high school you won't meet great people, but I can already say from my freshman year of college, that I've made some friends here that care for me as a person more than anyone else I know.

Let's fall in love

10 minutes late, like always. I know this time Frank’s not going to accept it. I’ll walk into the office and he’ll give me that look, the Frank look. The look that says, “Nathan, I expect more from the vice-president of the company. Were you ready for the promotion? Maybe instead I’ll give it to Mandy, Mandy with the exceptional experience and the nice rack to go along with it.” But I can’t always help it. New York’s a busy city to navigate through, and it doesn’t help when your neighbor knocks on your apartment door 5 minutes before you need to leave, complaining about everything and nothing. I bet I could think up some excuse again, he’d buy it. The subway malfunctioned this morning, or there was an accident on 8th and, “Ah shit! I’m so sorry, here let me grab that for you. I can’t apologize enough…. Have a good day. I’M SORRY MISS!”
God she was beautiful. Her smile was instant and apologetic though she had nothing to apologize for. And as she bent down to pick up her dropped bag and its contents, her beautiful blonde curls fell over her shoulder as each strand carelessly whipped through the wind. A complexion so flawless I’d expect nothing less from an angel. An angel in that white lace dress that hit her thighs so effortlessly. Maybe I should’ve given her my number, or asked for her name, something as an identifier so that one day I can find her again. But then again that’s why they have the missed connections section on Craigslist, right?! So that guys like me can find beautiful angels like her again. It’ll have to say something witty like, “A fallen angel in a white lace dress.” That’ll catch her attention, especially if I add “Man, again!? I’m sorry miss, I didn’t mean to bump into you. It’s just one of those days, ya know? I’ve been running into girls all over the place today. Here’s your scarf, it’s lovely…. Okay, bye. Once again, I’M SO SORRY!”
I feel as though cupid has just struck me with an arrow, for never have I seen such a beautiful woman as the one I just saw. The way her short, brunette bob framed her face so beautifully makes me hopeful that there exists love for a man like me.

1940s

I have this crazy theory:

Decades ago, there was someone who lived a life quite similar to yours. They attended a college just like the one you currently do, had a job in the same field as you, had parents who were as indescribable as yours, and had a social life comparable to the one you have.

So as we ran today, and observed the brick walls and run down track, and guessed it had been there for some time, that's what I thought of. A pair of friends like you and I, who ran around that track decades ago. 

Thank you

I want you to know, even if we don't speak, and we're miles apart, your happiness makes me happy. Because your smile radiates through your photographs, and like rays of sunlight, I soak it all in and enjoy it. So thank you.

Where's the Remote?

You're welcome
for everything I gave you,
though I know,
you will never say thank you.

In the dining hall

I do not eat meat and poultry.
I am lactose intolerant.
Eggs make me sick.
If the texture is weird,
it does not enter my mouth.
Basically, I am left with
fish and pasta.
For every meal,
of every day.

7.1

Math is like life.
Universality: for no matter where you go around the world, the concept of math is the same. A number 2 still has the same value whether it's spelled different or looks different, for life has the same value whether the person lives in another country, has a different tone of skin, or an unfamiliar culture.
Simplicity: I often find that the hardest math problems just need a second glance. When I take a step back, breathe, and reanalyze my work I quickly find the solution and continue on. In life, when it seems like no matter what you do you will always be stuck where you are, just slow things down and look at your problem again. You'll find the solution to your toughest dilemma is staring you in the face.
And Impartial: Math does not judge. It doesn't care who you are, because no matter what, the problem and solution will remain the same. And each person has to figure out how to get to the end on their own. Life will not give you an easier route if you are a better person. None of us are created better than another, so we are all given obstacles to overcome, and we are all expecting to find our own solutions to our problems.

Hobble along

Nothing was ever official.
No titles were given,
no boundaries set,
no rules to bide by.
But still,
you were mine,
and I was yours.
And in the scheme of things,
that's what counts.

It's a horrowshow

Let's pretend, that I am a girl, and you are a boy. That you love me, and I love you. And the only thing that separates our love is distance. 385.2 miles of distance if we're being exact, from my town to yours. And let's pretend that even though our love is strong and binding, that distance becomes our downfall. And I want you to pretend one last time: pretend that was the end of us, that we have each now gone our own ways, and the lives we lived of being in love was so long ago, it seems almost like another life.
You can pretend, but I can't.
Because I know it to be a fact that I am a girl, and you are a boy. That you loved me, and I loved you. And distance stood between us, and it was our downfall. And now my messages are sent to you, and they remain unanswered, or if they are, with little emotion or attention.
The girl you once loved remembers it all. She still has all the emails you sent, saved in their own special folder. She has your words bookmarked on her computer so that she may go back to those times and remind herself it was all real. And she has the picture you drew for her pinned to her desk so that every time she glances up when times get rough, there is something to make her smile and carry on.
For I will remember you, the boy, for as long as I live. And I will remember you for all that I loved you to be.

Due tomorrow

My eyes are dry
by way of the wind,
for it whips around
to dry the tears
that I have shed.

If I fail

I've noticed I like crying. Not because I'm always sad, or angry, or hurt. But because it's the best way I know to relieve myself of all the stresses in life.
So I break down and cry,
for no real reason.
And once I finish, I get back up, straighten myself out, and proceed with my day with no further interruptions.

Bright lights

I look into the world,
with innocent eyes.
Because,
to me,
I feel like judging a world
I hardly know,
is an unfair act.

Time flies when you grow up

I read through these all and wish I could rewind back. I'd be right in the middle of it all if I could just go back 3 years. It feels like it's been so much longer than that. It feels like centuries ago. Lately all I can think about is your smile,
and your laugh,
and the way we use to be. But I guess we were just two kids in love.
It was love, wasn't it? And I wonder what had happened.
Maybe I did something, or maybe it just wasn't cool anymore. To be in college with a little girl like me trailing behind you.
If I was like that again, the way I was 3 years ago, would you have come back?
Would you have fallen back in love with me, and have asked me to follow you to college, instead of rejected it?
I got in. I got a few scholarships even. It was an option. Except it wasn't.
Because you wouldn't have wanted me there. And I would've gone for you.
To which I know you would ask me why. And all I can say is,
I miss you, and I think about you all the time now. And because I could still love you the way I did then, if it was still an option.