Back and forth.

I hate packing. Everything about it.
I hate the worrying the whole while that I'm forgetting something,
something incredibly important that'll cost you something for forgetting it.
I hate the feeling of breaking routine and entering a new place and a world
unlike the one I'm use to and having to get use to the new routine,
only to return back to the old ones just days later.
I hate having to break off plans or put things aside until I get back
from where ever it may be that I'm going to.
I hate not knowing exactly what it is that I'll be doing when I get
to this place, and not sure if I should bring my book or the swimsuit
and unsure of how much time I'll be allowed to myself.

But above all else,
I hate having to shove everything into one little space,
and then each day if I want to wear something,
take it out of the bag,
and before coming back,
putting everything back into the bag,
just so I can unpack once I get back to point A.

Hey you. In the womb!

ATTENTION!! ATTENTION!!

If your parents are named
Doug and Tina,
you're bound to be fucked up.
Sorry.

An Ode to T.O.

I think with each day it gets harder. Not just emotionally, but physically too. It's so hard knowing that there's someone out there who's so perfect for you, and who you're perfect for, but you can't have them. Not really.
You get quick glimpses of them from time to time, and often you get a reminder. A reminder that's kinda like a little memory whiff of something so far away.
A whiff of that certain aroma they had, or a whiff of the way that you felt being carried around like you were some esteemed prize, or a whiff of the way your lips pressed together and how soft they were after each departure of contact.
And sometimes I guess it all catches up faster than I anticipated. Because I'm suddenly overwhelmed with a glimpse and a reminder and a whiff. And it all comes crashing down on me. Even though I'm filled with so much joy of getting that feeling, my eyes are welling up and I can't speak and I become light-headed and the only thing I'm really capable of doing is forming a ball with my body for a fraction of time until I'm hit with reality again.



Then I remember that it's ok
that you'll be around again
and that soon my glimpses,
reminders,
whiffs
will be something more.
Something real.

Soon!

I hate feeling as though I have an obligation to someone.
And maybe it's kinda rude to point out a particular group of someones,
but I'm talking about family.
I compare family to the group of kids who you've been going to school with since kindergarten.
You've known them since forever, so it's rude to ignore them if you ever see them around,
so simply out of kindness, you always have to stop and say hello,
if you ever see them out and about.
You ask those questions, the stupid questions like,
How's life?
What have you been up to?
And at the end of the talk you have to say
Well, I'll call you sometime soon!
or one of those
See you soon!
But you both know you don't what the meeting to happen again.
At least, not for a while, because it's just awkward.

More than anything though, it makes me feel kinda sad.
I can't help but feeling awkward with everyone.
Even those old kindergarten friends,
who know me and love me
just like family.

Brat Pack

I try to be
the best person for me
but sometimes I just end up
as a b-r-a-t.

Blind.

I wonder what you see
when you look at me.
I'll tell you what I see.
I see someone without any drive.
Someone who's too lazy to really care.
Someone who isn't quite good enough
for someone as amazing as you.

I like necessarily.

I imagine that one day, my procrastination will cost me.
That although I'm late, and can still do things today
maybe one day it won't be so.
And I'm not necessarily talking about an opportunity,
but I could be,
but more than that, a person.
What if I procrastinate at getting to know someone?
If I figure that they'll still be there tomorrow,
so I just never take the time to chat with them.
Then one day
POOF.
They're gone.
And I missed out on more than an opportunity,
I missed out on a person.
Getting to know a spectacular person.

Do you really?

Meet me:
I'm a worrisome, self-concious person.
I claim things that aren't mine.
I'm the most pessimistic optimist you'll know.
Sometimes I mope, just so I can feel bad.
I pretend certain things to get what I want.

And somehow, people still like me.

Dear readers,

I'm bored as fuck.
My summer sucks.
And I'm posting now.

Blah sucka.

Tubing :D

My eyes are bloodshot.
I have elbow burn.
My hair feels disgusting.
My throats a bit sore.
And my heart still pounds at the thought of it.

But man, it was worth it.

Shalalalala

Days like this are the best.
The kind where there's really nothing to do,
and the thing I look forward to most
is just getting to wash my hair.

Butt fetish? Say what?

The sound of your cute
hushed
laughter through the phone
at things that I thought
no one
besides me would ever laugh at,
makes me incredibly happy.

Gas

I made a decision, and it goes as follows:
One day when I get a car, I'm going to go to the gas station, and fill that sucker up.
And I'm going to fill it up with $19.99 worth.
So as I'm giving the guy my $20 bill, he'll look at me strangely, and possibly ask
'Why?'
And I'll just shrug, put my penny in one of those charity cups right in front of his face,
and leave.

Hey? Shut up

Often times, I think my views on everything are childish
and make me seem dumb, like I don't know anything.
And then I remember, that I am childish
and I don't know anything.
So I guess it's just fitting.

My dreams came true

I already told you this, but I thought it could make a good blog.

I use to wake up on those days, so excited to play.
Because from the second that I awoke,
I could nearly smell that dirt
and feel that wind blowing in the helmet
as I ran, and kept on running.
So today as I woke up, expecting that excitment,
that same excitment that once overcame me
every game morning
I was a little confused, as to why it didn't overcome me
today of all days. My first game in weeks.
And then I realized, it's because of you.
Nothing could ever compare to the excitment that I felt
on that unforgettable weekend.
So this game? It's nothing really.
It's just a mere flicker of light
in the bright room you elluminate
that takes up a big chunk
of my life.

J Squared

Is it humanly possible to be happy all the time?
Or are you just really good at acting..?

Debbie Downer

I like moping around.
It makes me feel like if I give it all my attention, constantly..
that I'll forget what I'm moping about.

Well... is she pretty?

I think
maybe
I should
start
living up
to
all this
hype
you've made
about
me.

Just your average, ordinary, me.

I've always wondered
Am I distinguishable?
Or am I just some Average Joe?

Could you tell if it was me walking down the street?
Or do you find yourself constantly confusing one back of the head, for my back of the head?

Am I the only me you've seen?
Or are there many of me out there?

Is there any trait that sticks out about me?
Or does it all just kinda blend and mesh in together?

Have you met someone with my same eyes? laugh? smile?
Or am I the only one with those certain characteristics that match mine.

I've always wondered
Am I distinguishable?

Spelling errors. Beware.

I like the feeling of you.
And yes, numerous of these are about you.
But it's only because you make a spectacular, you.

The feeling of you around me is so magnificent
I don't think I could do the feeling any justice
merely by sitting here trying to type it out.
So I vote that you scadadal on over here
and I can show you that feeling
first-hand.

Ca-peeche?

Quiero?

I think sometimes we confused what we want
with what we need.
Wait, scratch out think, I know.

Like right now, a taquito sounds incredibly yummy.
But I won't go as far to say that that's a need,
because that my friend,
is just a want. A small want.

On the other hand, there's you.
And I can't really tell if I need you
or I just desperately want you.

But this can't be very healthy.

Epic fail

There's a sort of pressure that you feel when you get told that you're
'a leader.'
That people are looking up to you and looking for
'a rolemodel.'
And if you mess up this opportunity you've been given you just become
'a big mistake.'

I miss you so

Where did it go?
Where did all of the motivation
the love
and the heart in the world.
Where did it all go?
Because I'm looking out
with eyes of open-ness
and innocence.
But I think I'm the only one.