I always blog about the bad stuff because no one really wants to hear it. When you get together with people and they ask, "what's new?" they aren't really wanting a real answer. They want you to smile and act cheery. No one ever wants a sad story. 

And it's the same reason why I never post anything happy. Since no one ever wants to hear what's really going on, you're forced to out stretch all the good things so you seem normal and fine. And after about 3 times, the story you're telling seems old and dull. Irrelevant and unexciting.

I just end up drained of all the good and bottled up with all the bad.

All of a sudden everything hits me at once. The reminder that the world isn't as good of a place as I usually perceive it to be. The death of a family member. Someone I'm not very connected to, but yet it's the reminder. In an instant everything just turns dark, blank, empty. 

It's like all the bad things that I've been trying to convince myself aren't so bad, begin to look so evil. 

And it just leads me to wonder; what am I doing? Does anything that I'm really doing matter? And if it doesn't matter then what's the point of it at all? So I can momentarily feel full of this happiness placebo?

I'm just looking around and realizing how much this all really fucking sucks.