You should know

I wanted to say I'm sorry. Not because I feel as though I've done something wrong, but because I know it's what's best.
So I'm sorry for the way it all happened. I would never intentionally do something to hurt anyone, especially not you.
I'm sorry that despite the fact that it's all been put behind us, I'm still bitter about it all. And I probably always will be.
I'm sorry that it was all for nothing. We put in years of establishing a solid friendship and it was all flushed down the drain in a matter of seconds.
But most of all, I'm sorry for how I've been, and how I'm going to continue to be. Regardless of all the apologies I have, I still don't think I've done anything wrong. And I still see no reason to pretend like it's all okay. Because it's not okay.

I can't remember the last time I felt truly passionate about anything.
I'm finding it hard to write music, choose a career path, feel something for someone.

























































I feel like I'm losing myself

Psychics.... psh.

2 years ago I went to a psychic who told me I would meet the man I would marry when I was 19.
I completely forgot about that up until a week ago.

I've had this idea in my head all summer on how I wanted to change things for myself. I haven't been happy for so long because I've been spending all my time persistent on trying to find 'the one.' And then I become happiest when I'm with some guy or talking to some loser, and I come out of it shattered because I believe I'm going to find my fulfillment in one of these guys.
So I had decided I would cancel out my love life for a while. I've been trying to pursue happiness when it's been sitting in front of my this whole time: in my friends. The odds of me finding this happiness in a guy right now is slim to none, and I'm just now realizing that. I want to use this time to enjoy being young and in college and experiencing life.

And then I remembered what the psychic told me. I don't necessarily believe in it all, but what if it's true? What if I'm destined to meet my husband this year, but I just don't realize it when the time comes.
So I started to reconsider my plans, but it dawned on me.
1) Psychics are people you pay to tell you your 'fortune' because it's entertaining, not because it's something you should live by. And
2) If it's destined to be, then the person I'm going to marry will be there for me, whether I'm sitting around waiting, or enjoying my life as I rightfully should be.
Because I'm ready to just be a happy, as normal as I can get, teenager enjoying what I believe will be the best year yet.

I believe people are as disposable as you make them.
If you don't want to want someone, then don't. Replace them with someone better.
Run your life according to your own agenda, not someone else's.

Junior Cece

I'm sorry. Because I know now that telling you I liked you was a mistake. But it was on impulse.
Like an impulsive buy. When I find something that I've been searching for for so long, and I'm just so excited that I don't bother to think of the specifications, like the size, and I don't bother to try it on. And it isn't until it's too late, and I'm at home eagerly looking at it that I realize the sizing, but in the midst of the excitement I removed the tags, and there's no taking it back.
So I can't return it, and I can't undo the wrong. So I'm just left with something; a foolish mistake.
And I'm sorry.

#200

It took me 4 years to get to this point, but post 200 is quite the milestone. And for all of this, I'd like to thank you, T.O.
I'd never be doing this if it hadn't been for you. You must've known it was always for you

You would

You know how I said I'd never go back to someone from my past?
Well, I feel like I'm being tested. Suddenly they're all coming back, and it's hard to turn down so many cute faces.

2012-2013

I can feel it. I know this is the year when it's all going to come together, and it's all going to make sense.

Watching Pride and Prejudice makes me realize how perfectly I would've fit in had I been born in the early 1800s.
I feel as though I might have been perceived as very agreeable and moderately handsome.