All of a sudden everything hits me at once. The reminder that the world isn't as good of a place as I usually perceive it to be. The death of a family member. Someone I'm not very connected to, but yet it's the reminder. In an instant everything just turns dark, blank, empty. 

It's like all the bad things that I've been trying to convince myself aren't so bad, begin to look so evil. 

And it just leads me to wonder; what am I doing? Does anything that I'm really doing matter? And if it doesn't matter then what's the point of it at all? So I can momentarily feel full of this happiness placebo?

I'm just looking around and realizing how much this all really fucking sucks.